


Back to You

by Natsume Gekka (athenianAcolyte)



Series: Bitter>>Sweet [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: But not quite, F/M, Fights, Getting Back Together, M/M, Miscommunication, verbal not physical
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:08:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26489176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/athenianAcolyte/pseuds/Natsume%20Gekka
Summary: He tries to push away the hurt. He gets it, he really does. Who wants to see their ex after three years?The answer, unfortunately, is Hinata.Tsukihina Weekend 2020: Teacher / Distance /Reunion
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Hinata Shouyou/Tsukishima Kei, Tanaka Saeko/Tsukishima Akiteru, Yachi Hitoka/Yamaguchi Tadashi, implied, past - Relationship
Series: Bitter>>Sweet [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1940044
Comments: 10
Kudos: 127
Collections: Tsukihina Weekend 2020





	Back to You

**Author's Note:**

> And here's my late contribution for Tsukishina Weekend. A couple of important notes: I wrote this with the understanding that hugging in Japan is usually only reserved for couples, so keep that in mind when reading. Another thing is that I actually consider this part 3 of a very loose trilogy I wrote. Each part should be able to stand on its own, but if you want to read it in chronological order, part 1 is "We Move Like the Ocean" and part 2 won't be uploaded until day 6 of Tsukihina Week. Apologies to anyone who wants to wait to read it in order!

He’s grown.

It’s a strange realization, considering that Tsukishima has always been unfairly tall. But it hits Hinata nonetheless. Tsukishima looks less like a beanpole now. He’s broad-shouldered and lean-muscled. The man has impeccable fashion sense and it shows from his glasses to his shoes. In short, Tsukishima really does look like an adult.

Hinata wonders how that pink shirt would look on him. He had gotten it as a joke, knowing that Tsukishima would hate it. He wouldn’t be caught dead in the dumb thing. That’s what made it so funny. But now that he’s seen Tsukishima in person, he wonders how he would look with the fabric stretched across his shoulders, his long fingers pulling down the hem to try and hide pale thighs marked from...

_ Easy there,  _ he reminds himself. It’s the middle of the game against the Schweiden Adlers. Can’t lose his head now. He needs to beat Kageyama. Plus he’d look so cool if he wins this game with Tsukishima watching.

After all, Tsukishima never does anything uncool.

* * *

Hinata was not surprised when Tsukishima didn’t show up at the airport to pick him up. That didn’t make it hurt any less.

“Tsukki said he had classes, but he’ll be at the game,” Yamaguchi offers as an explanation.

“Sounds like an excuse to me,” Hinata gripes. 

He tries to push away the hurt. He gets it, he really does. Who wants to see their ex after three years? Especially after ending things on not-so-great terms. 

The answer, unfortunately, is Hinata.

He had hoped that Tsukishima still had a soft spot for him. After all, in spite of everything he still saw him off when he left for Brazil. Then again, maybe three years was enough time to turn any of that remaining fondness into bitterness.

He doesn’t push the issue. Instead, he throws himself into conversation with Yachi while Yamaguchi drives. It’s nice catching up after three years and half a world apart. Sure they had kept in touch during that time, but seeing everyone in person really drives home how much they’ve all changed. Yachi is chattier and more relaxed. She radiates confidence, a far cry from the nervous girl in first year.

During a lull in the conversation, Hinata catches Yamaguchi’s gaze in the rearview mirror. There’s something about his discerning eyes, sharp and unblinking, that makes Hinata wonder if he  _ knows _ .

It wouldn’t surprise him. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi have remained close friends since childhood. If Tsukishima didn’t tell him, then perhaps Yamaguchi figured it out himself. Yamaguchi has always been pretty smart.

Not to say Hinata is stupid - well he kind of is, but he’s smart in other ways. He notices how Yachi’s hand reaches for Yamaguchi’s on the gear shift before suddenly pulling away. It doesn’t escape him how Yachi steals glances out of her periphery when she thinks Yamaguchi doesn’t notice. 

There’s a familiar ache in Hinata’s chest but he doesn’t know who it’s meant for.

* * *

He knows his friends and old teammates are there. They’re cheering not just for him, but for Kageyama too. A younger Hinata would’ve been awash with jealousy at the thought. But right now, his mind is on the game. He wants to work hard to earn their cheers.

There’s a presence in particular that he feels more strongly than the others. He feels it at his back, watching his every move and picking him apart inch by inch. How Hinata can differentiate Tsukishima’s gaze from the dozens of spectators, even he can’t answer. He just knows.

He wants to turn around. He wants to say something, anything. Just to let him know, ‘I know you’re there. I see you, and I feel you.’

But he doesn’t. There will be time later. Right now, he needs to win this game.

* * *

Hinata suspected he and Yamaguchi would have a chat. He just didn’t expect it to be that very night in the small izakaya that they stop at for dinner. In the haze of smoke and alcohol, things feel fuzzy and comfortable. It’s the right environment for catching up and reminiscing. Hearing the paths they took to get to their current career has been fascinating.

“And then, my supervisor just said ‘The new guy will take the bill! It’s his thanks to us for showing him the ropes!’” 

Yamaguchi is laughing, eyes on the verge of tears as he relays the story of how he got saddled with a large restaurant bill after the first day at his new job. Yachi laughs too, hiding her mouth behind her hand.

“I remember that too! I had to pick you up later because you were so drunk and crying hard.”

“Ha ha, yeah…,” Yamaguchi laughs listlessly.

Their table goes silent. Hinata notices Yachi and Yamaguchi pointedly avoiding each other’s gazes. The only thing that breaks the tension is Yachi standing up suddenly to announce that she needs to use the restroom. As she walks away quickly, Hinata sees his opportunity.

“So, you and Yachi?” Hinata asks once Yachi is out of earshot. 

“Yeah,” Yamaguchi replies simply, turning his beer mug around. “Kind of like you and Tsukki though.”

Hinata offers him a wry smile.

“What happened?”

Yamaguchi stares into his mug somberly like it holds all the answers to the world’s questions.

“Different goals, I guess. We… I just didn’t see the same future with her that she did.”

Hinata can see Yamaguchi’s eyes grow distant and wet. Hinata can tell that there’s a long story behind those eyes. But tonight’s not the night for it. He knows when it’s too early to reopen a still healing wound.

“You and Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asks suddenly.

“Yeah,” Hinata admits as he smiles into his own mug. “It’s old news though. When did you find out?”

“Not too long ago. I think Tsukki kind of hinted at it when he first came out, but his sulkiness when he heard you were coming back was the biggest clue.”

Hinata almost knocks over his drink in his disbelief.

“Wait, did you say Tsukishima came out?”

Surely they aren’t talking about the same Tsukishima. After all, the Tsukishima Kei he knew and loved was so scared of being outed that he’d ignore him at school. There’s no way Tsukishima, aloof and guarded, would ever come out.

“I may have said too much…” Yamaguchi is as pale as he mumbles.

“Yamaguchi, you’re talking to the guy who was secretly dating your best friend for most of our third year. I’m not surprised that he’s gay, I’m surprised that he came out.” 

Yamaguchi still looks uneasy after Hinata’s explanation. With some reluctance he starts to talk.

“About a year ago, Tsukki had a serious boyfriend and took him home to meet his family.”

Yamaguchi’s expression starts to turn sour.

“Something about coming out being a ‘make or break it’ for the relationship. So I guess it wasn’t really on his own terms. His folks didn’t take it too well at first, but they eventually came around. Just in time for the jerk to dump him, unfortunately. ”

Yamaguchi takes a swig of his drink, but the bitter expression remains on his face. Hinata grips his own mug tightly. He looks down into his beer and sees a morphed reflection in the amber yellow draught. He takes a swig of the beer, hoping the alcohol will wash away the ugly feelings swirling around inside him. He feels the familiar fuzziness that comes from getting buzzed, but it does nothing to dampen the anger or jealousy. With a sigh, he puts his glass down.

“What about you?”

Yamaguchi looks up from his drink. The confusion on his face has more to do with Hinata’s question than from inebriation.

“How did you feel when Tsukishima… you know…”

Yamaguchi heaves a long suffering sigh.

“How would you feel if your closest friend kept a secret from you for years?”

Hinata can’t help but squirm under Yamaguchi’s piercing gaze.

“It was weird at first. I didn’t know how to act. Tsukki had always been Tsukki, but now there was this part of him I never even knew about. That he felt like he had to keep a secret from me. It hurt.”

Yamaguchi’s voice sounds dry when he laughs, but it’s not a bitter laugh. 

“We ended up having a fight over it. Nothing violent or anything, just a really loud shouting match. But I think it led to the most talking we had about the subject up until then. And I’m glad we did. That’s when I learned just how much he was hurting too. Funny how you forget that when you get caught up in your own feelings.”

Hinata is sure Yamaguchi was just making a sweeping statement, but he still couldn’t help but feel called out. 

“Speaking of hurt feelings, don’t think I’m letting you off the hook either. ‘Dated for most of third year’? How could you?”

“I’m sorry, Yamaguchi!” Hinata says, complete with clapped hands and bowed head.

“I’m still hurt,” Yamaguchi says with feigned offense, complete with sniffle.

“What if I covered the bill?”

“Eh? Hinata, you’re covering the bill?”

It was at that moment that Yachi chose to return. Yamaguchi quirks an eyebrow at Yachi’s timely return but doesn’t say anything. Instead he smiles as he gestures to Hinata.

“Yep, it’s his thanks to us for picking him up!”

Hinata starts pulling out his wallet with a sigh, hoping that the meager funds he had exchanged at the airport would be enough to cover the bill. He silently curses Yamaguchi, the opportunistic bastard. His only consolation is the thought that Yamaguchi learned that trick by having it used against himself. 

* * *

As he grows older, time seems to pass in a blink of an eye. One moment, he’s a first year in high school, scrawny and nervous. The next, he’s just won what’s probably the biggest game of his volleyball career. But it really hits home how much he’s grown when he sees the Hinata 

reflected back at him in Tsukishima.

Tsukishima hangs back while their upperclassmen approach Hinata first. Hinata keeps him in his peripheral vision. He knows Tsukishima is observing him, most likely forming a new assessment of him after three years. 

“Shoooyoooo!” 

Hinata doesn’t even have to guess who it is.

“Saeko-nee-san!”

Saeko greets him by grabbing him in a headlock and giving him a noogie.

“It’s so good to see you! You’ve really grown! How was Brazil? You were amazing out there today!”

“Nee-san, please let go,” Hinata sputters out, his face flushing from embarrassment.

She lets go, only to take him by surprise with a hug. Hinata looks around panickedly and catches Akiteru’s attention. He silently begs for his help, gesturing to the affectionate and drunk Saeko. The older man turns pales before blushing bright red. He starts to hurry over just as Saeko finally lets go.

“Let’s catch up sometime,” she says with a slight slur in her words. “Four of us: you, me, Aki-chan, and Kei.”

She shoots him a wink before going off with Akiteru. Once she leaves, Hinata is once again crowded by old acquaintances and he momentarily forgets Saeko’s odd behavior.

When Tsukishima finally approaches Hinata, the gym’s lights create a glare in his glasses. For a brief moment, Hinata sees the person that Tsukishima sees and is almost taken aback. Is that really what he looks like now? 

The first words he speaks to Hinata in three years aren’t unlike the words he spoke when they first met.

“Glad to see you’re still short. I don’t think I would have recognized you otherwise.”

“And I can’t believe that after all this time you’re still as rude as ever! You didn’t try to learn any manners while at university?”

“They don’t teach that there, but of course you wouldn’t know that. Guess that confirms that underneath all of your disgusting muscles you’re still the same pea brained idiot.”

It’s familiar banter and it puts Hinata at ease. For a moment, he can believe that they can just pick up where they left off.

It doesn’t last long. Perhaps Hinata was being too optimistic. Maybe it was the hype of victory that made Tsukishima so friendly towards him. Or perhaps it’s because they were all together again like old times that he felt obligated to keep up appearances. 

Whatever the reason, Tsukishima became like a ghost at the afterparty. It was easy to ignore at first; after all, there was plenty of catching up to do with his old upperclassmen and friends. But as people began leaving the old izakaya one by one, eventually just the old first years remained. Yamaguchi and Yachi, in their drunken stupor, had wandered off to bother other patrons of the little restaurant. Even Kageyama went to join in on their antics.

This leaves him alone with Tsukishima. And Tsukishima seems more interested in his glass of water than talking to Hinata

“So how’s school?”

“Good.”

No further elaboration.

“Any luck finding work after graduation?”

“Yeah.”

“Where at? What are you going to be doing?” Hinata presses. He feels like he’s pulling teeth.

“Museum work.”

Hinata decides that this avenue of conversation won’t be very effective. So he turns to the one topic he knows best.

“You’re still playing volleyball, right? How’s your team? I’ve kept in touch with Koganegawa and he says your blocking has gotten even better!”

“Then you can ask him about how the team is doing,” Tsukishima replies. He turns his attention to pushing around scraps on his plate.

It seems the Tsukishima wall of stone isn’t just for volleyball. Not only is Hinata running out of conversation topics, but he’s running out of patience. He’s about to get up to say his goodbyes to the drunken trio when he hears Tsukishima clear his throat.

“Leaving already? You didn’t even have anything to drink.”

“I can’t, I have to keep myself in top form for the season.”

“Tell that to the King,” Tsukishima says with a roll of the eyes as the man in question starts trying to belt out some power ballad despite the distinct lack of karaoke equipment.

“Don’t worry, he’s definitely going to pay for it tomorrow.”

That actually earns a laugh from Tsukishima. Maybe it’s a low bar, bonding over teasing Kageyama, but it’s much more progress than he’s had the entire evening. Hinata joins in with Tsukishima’s laughter, enjoying the brief moment. 

As their laughter slowly dies down, Hinata comes to a belated realization: he and Tsukishima are the only sober members of their party remaining.

“What about you? Why didn’t you get anything to drink?”

“I only drink Kahlua and milk.”

Hinata couldn’t help himself. He lets out a ridiculous snort at how seriously Tsukishima gave his answer. He quickly covers his mouth, but a few throaty guffaws still escape. His laughter soon dies at the expression on Tsukishima’s face. It’s a frightening, angry expression that quickly gives way to a cruel sneer.

“Oh no, don’t stop on my behalf. Yeah, it’s funny. Hilarious even! How apt! A gay drink for the -”

“Stop,” Hinata interrupts. “I didn’t mean it like that! I just…”

Hinata pauses, realizing that anything he could think of to complete that sentence would only offend Tsukishima more. So he settles on the most amicable option.

“I’m sorry, I really am.”

“Whatever,” Tsukishima replies, picking up his glass of water and taking a sip.

“I don’t think Kahlua and milk is a gay drink.”

“Just drop it already.”

Despite the din of the izakaya, everything feels way too quiet at the table. Hinata hates this. He can’t stand the uneasy tension, and Tsukishima isn’t making it any easier. He wonders how Tsukishima really feels about all of this. Was he happy to see him at all? Or is he just putting up with his presence? The thought of the latter is enough to dampen his mood even further.

Tsukishima makes things worse with a click of his tongue.

“Would you please stop looking so miserable? We’re all out here to celebrate your big victory. You can at least try to look happy about it”

Something lights up in Hinata. His old temper flares up, the quick to anger nature that he thought he had outgrown.

“‘Try to?!’ I actually was happy up until I was forced to make small talk with you!”

“Sorry you have to force yourself when it comes to me.”

“No! That’s not what I meant and you know it! Graaah!”

Hinata clutches at handfuls of his hair. Why does it feel like it’s always a fight with Tsukishima? 

He looks across the room and sees Kageyama, Yamaguchi and Yachi. While Yachi looks concerned and Kageyama is confused, Yamaguchi gives him an intense stare. His eyes jump to Tsukishima and realization crosses his face. He gestures at Hinata with a firm nod.

That’s when Hinata remembers Yamaguchi’s earlier words.

“Tsukishima, let’s take this outside.”

* * *

“I hope you’re not planning a fist fight. I don’t think either of us can hold our own.”

“I’d definitely take you down in one hit,” Hinata replies. “But that’s not what I’m here for.”

It’s much cooler outside the izakaya. The crisp autumn night is refreshing compared to the smoky and congested restaurant. It’s easier to maintain a cool head.

“So you want to tell me why you’ve been stonewalling me all night?”

Well, so much for cool heads…

“Maybe you keep asking about things that aren’t your business,” Tsukishima sneers. The way the moonlight glints off of his glasses makes him look unfamiliar and terrifying. With crossed arms and looming stance, Hinata is all too aware of Tsukishima’s intimidation tactics. Too bad it doesn’t work on him anymore.

“I’m trying to catch up with you! It’s been three years and I know nothing about how you’re doing!”

“What makes you think you’re entitled to knowing?” Tsukishima snipes. 

“I’m not! I mean, I don’t… It’s just that… GRAH! Why are you always like this?!”

Hinata pulls at his hair again and he swears he can see Tsukishima smirking at him as he does. His breath comes out as bursts of fog in the cold air. He hates how Tsukishima can just rile him up so easily while the man in question looks so at ease. 

“Just tell me what all of this is about!”

“All of what is about?”

“There you go again! Can you stop playing coy for like three minutes and just talk honestly?”

The smirk disappears from Tsukishima’s face. He has a pensive expression as he studies Hinata. 

“Look you can’t just fly to another country for three years and expect to have the same relationships as you did before,” he says with a dismissive snort.

“But I’ve been trying to keep in touch with you during that time! It’s not my fault that you don’t respond!”

“Maybe not, but perhaps you should have taken into consideration how you left matters here before going abroad.”

“Matters? What matters did I leave here that-”

Hinata freezes as he remembers.

“Is that what you’re still mad about?!”

“Oh no, I’m definitely not still mad about it,” Tsukishima says in a mocking tone, “It’s not like I got dumped by my boyfriend for volleyball in another country or whatever.”

“Why is this…? Why are you…?”

Hinata mumbles under his breath as he tries to compose an intelligible argument. His fists clench and unclench repeatedly. He can feel the veins in his neck pop. Each breath he takes feels like it’s barely enough to keep him away from the edge.

“You knew before we got together that this was what I was going to do. It’s the future I planned for myself, and I needed to see it through!”

“And you couldn’t figure me into those plans?”

Hinata was sure in that moment that his blood had stopped cold in his veins.

“I didn’t… I hadn’t thought about it…”

“Of course you didn’t. Because you like to charge headfirst into things selfishly.”

“Now wait a second,” Hinata begins. He can feel his pulse race as if he were playing a game right now. 

“That wasn’t a stupid thing I did on a whim. You of all people know how much I was preparing for this. Not to mention, why didn’t you say anything at the time? You could’ve said you wanted us to stay together and we could’ve tried long distance. I can’t read your mind! I can’t know these things unless you tell me!”

Tsukishima uncrosses his arms to ball up his fists at his sides. It’s the most combative stance he’s taken all night.

“Talk to you about it? How could I, when you made it clear you were done with me!”

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh, you suddenly forget about dumping your boyfriend during your first big fight. What a surprise.”

Hinata can only stare blankly.

“The way I remember it, you dumped me!” he shouts. His jaw aches from how tightly he grits his teeth. It’s all he can do to hold back the growl threatening to escape his throat. 

“The hell are you going on about?” Tsukishima yells back. 

“You kept avoiding me at school after our big fight! We never talked after that!”

“Because you broke up with me!”

“No! Because we had a stupid fight that you refused to talk to me about and then…”

The realization sets on Hinata around the same time it did for Tsukishima. 

“We’re not on the same page on how we actually broke up.”

“That’s an understatement,” Tsukishima snarks. He looks like he might fall over at any moment. How he manages to be so sarcastic while in shock is just one of the many mysteries of the world.

His limbs feel like rubber. He finds support in the wall behind him and slides down against it, head in his hands. He hears Tsukishima walk over and take a seat next to him.

“All this time, I thought that you had ghosted me.”

“I saw you off at the airport when you left. How were you still convinced it was ghosting?”

“I don’t know, I just thought that you were finally coming around or something.”

“Well, I was convinced you dumped me during our last fight. Saying something like ‘what was the point if it was going to end like this’ then running out doesn’t exactly leave a good impression.”

“I see your point,” Hinata says. He swallows around a lump in his throat.

“I feel really stupid now.”

“You’re talking to the man who’s been holding a grudge for three years over the same miscommunication. Join the club.”

Hinata lets out a shaky laugh at Tsukishima’s words.

“So, did we never actually break up?”

“By that logic, we’ve been cheating on each other for quite some time.”

“What if we just called it a break?”

“That sounds even worse. Besides, do you even want to get back together?”

Hinata stops to think about it. He’s missed Tsukishima, there’s no lying about that. He hates to admit it, but even during those three years abroad, amidst other lovers and flings, he had always been pining for Tsukishima. But getting back together might mean many more fights Tsukishima still struggles with communication and Hinata still lacks tact and mindfulness for others. Would it even be worth it?

“I… I’m not sure…”

“Well, neither am I.”

“At least we’re on the same page in that regard.”

“Finally. Of course it would take us three years.”

The silence is heavy, but it’s comfortable.

“I’m sorry for things ending the way they did. I wish I had been more considerate of you then. I feel like I wasted three years because of that.”

Tsukishima eyes him with a strange look. Hinata’s not sure, but he thinks he sees the barest hint of a smile on the other man’s face.

“I wouldn’t consider it a complete waste. You went to Brazil for the reasons you intended, and it paid off.”

“I’m sorry for snapping at you earlier,” Tsukishima adds. 

Hinata has to do a double take. An apology from Tsukishima, especially one as genuine sounding as that one, is an incredibly rare event. Hinata almost wants to cry tears of joy, but forces them down for fear of ruining the moment.

Instead he opts for a hug. He internally panics when he feels Tsukishima stiffen in his arms. That disappears when he feels Tsukishima relax. Slowly, he feels Tsukishima return the embrace. They stay like that for a while, illuminated by moonlight and the crappy lighting of the izakaya’s sign. Hinata relishes in the steady rhythm of Tsukishima’s breathing and body heat through his clothes. 

“Okay, let go. This is going on far too long.”

Hinata laughs, but releases his hold on Tsukishima reluctantly. Tsukishima only lets go a few moments after Hinata. 

“I should apologize too,” Hinata says sheepishly. “It wasn’t nice of me to laugh like that. I just thought it was funny because that’s a drink choice I’d expect from Kageyama.”

“I think I’m even more offended by the comparison.”

But Tsukishima did not sound the least bit upset. Hinata even thinks he sounds a bit amused. This thing they have now is still delicate, like the wrong words could break it. But it’s comfortable and familiar; Hinata likes that. 

It’ll probably be a long time until they can be close again. But Hinata is fine with that. He diligently chipped away at Tsukishima’s walls before. He can do it again.

“So, how have you been?”


End file.
